If Barbie Pooped

When I was younger my sister and I would use everything and anything to make a Barbie-sized world come alive.  Fluffy towels were unfolded to make lush carpeting.  Greeting cards popped up to provide doorways.  Cotton balls and jewelry boxes served as throw pillows and benches.  Luckily, Barbie’s surroundings were only limited by our imaginations rather than our toy boxes or piggy banks.

That same imaginative quality popped up the other day after sitting outside on the doorstep.  I thought someone was on their way to the house, so I went downstairs to open the door.  Moving languidly over the cracks, a little snail kept me company as I waited for a person who never arrived.  Before knowing that she wouldn’t be able to make it, I continued waiting for her while watching my companion make its way to moist soil.  Bored from sitting so long, I grabbed a piece of grass and put it in front of the snail’s path to see what it would do.  Slimy ripples undulated over the green blade trying to identify the object.  It seemed to pass the test and was judged acceptable to glide upon.  Something weird started happening.  I bent down to get a closer look.  A long, thin brown object seem to come out from the top of the shell as the slug wriggled and writhed around.  I wasn’t sure what I was watching, yet it fascinated me.  My assumption was it could possibly be feeding or a radula-related anatomical feature.  I ran upstairs to grab my camera in hopes of videotaping any activity that followed.

When I arrived back outside all my excitement dissipated.  The brown line that seemed to slither out of the snail’s shell and over its body was not part of the gastropod anatomy, rather something excreted from the organism itself.

Lying in a coiled pile a few millimeters away from the snail was the tiniest pile of poop I have ever seen.  If my sister and I ever built Barbie a toilet, what the snail left behind would probably have fit inside it perfectly.

I love ‘em too

Jason’s comment about candy reminded me of one of my favorite t-shirts sitting in the closet at the moment.  I remember working at the library circulation desk and wearing the outfit pictured below.  A guy walks up to check out a book.  After reading my shirt, he points and asks, “Is that true?”

I answered, “More than you know.”  Jason may enjoy the candy, but I love the real deal.  Go, nerds.

Postpone it again, Sam

Nervousness and excitement were the only passengers with me during the drive back from camp.  I navigated highways and neighborhoods to stop and see Em’s new house before heading home.  He felt the full set of directions to his house were too complicated to handle all at once and instructed me to call after exiting the main highway.  I tried to reach him as I passed his old apartment.  No answer on the other end forced me to pull over and wait for his call at a gas station along the way.  I used the opportunity to pick up a few bottles of Gatorade.  The cashier gave me kudos for staying hydrated on such a hot summer day.  Ridiculously, scorching, blazing hot summer day would be more accurate.  Did I mention how much summer in Texas sucks, ridiculously sucks?  Pretty sure I did.

I headed back to the car to blast the AC, and Em finally returns my call.

“Hey, man.  Which way do I go now?”

“J!  Where are you?”

“Uh…umm…at a Shell across from some construction, near a Walgreens.”

“Do you know the name of the cross streets?”

“Nope.  Can’t see ‘em, but there’s also a CVS on one corner.”

“Hey, I was just there!  I had to get some medicine for an allergic reaction.  All of the sudden my lips started swelling.  They-are-HUGE right now!!”  He went on for a bit about his condition, providing plenty of warning and a little hesitation over entertaining a guest.  I ignored it and pressed on for the directions.

“Okay, [Em's nickname], which way am I supposed to go?”

Five minutes later I pulled into the driveway of Em’s brand new house.  A pair of plump, luscious lips attached to Em’s face greeted me at the door.  The baby hid behind Em and smiled up at me from between his dad’s legs.

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